What is an LGBTQIA+ Ally
An ally is "a person who is a member of the dominant or majority group who works to end oppression in their personal and professional life through support of, and as an advocate for, the oppressed population." (Washington and Evans, Becoming and Ally)
Allies to racial, religious and ethnic minorities have been remarkably effective in promoting positive change in the dominant culture, and only recently has their instrumental position been extended to the area of sexual orientation. The past few decades have witnessed the development of heterosexual Ally organizations which have attempted to make the culture of a campus or workplace more aware and accepting of gay, lesbian, bisexual, trangender, queer, questioning and intersex individuals.
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An Ally strives to…
- Be a friend
- Be a listener
- Be open-minded
- Have their own opinions
- Be willing to talk
- Commit to personal growth in spite of the discomfort it may sometimes cause
- Recognize their personal boundaries
- Recognize when to refer an individual to additional resources
- Confront their own prejudices
- Join others with a common purpose
- Believe that all persons regardless of age, sex, race, gender, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation should be treated with dignity and respect
- Engage in the process of developing a culture free of homophobia, cisgenderism and heterosexism
- Recognize their mistakes, but not use them as an excuse for inaction
- Be responsible for empowering their role in a community, particularly as it relates to responding to homophobia
- Recognize the legal powers and privileges that heterosexuals have and which LGBTQIA+ people are denied
- Support the ally program of their university or workplace
As important as it is to define what an Ally is in a positive sense, it is also helpful to understand the boundaries of an ally's role.
An Ally is NOT…
- Someone with ready-made answers
- Necessarily a counselor, nor are they necessarily trained to deal with crisis situations
- Expected to proceed with an interaction if levels of comfort or personal safety have been violated
As a heterosexual/cisgender indvidual, how can you show support?
- Assume that, wherever you go, there are LGBTQIA+ people present who are wondering how safe the environment is for them. Provide safety by making it clear that you accept the LGBTQIA+ community.
- Notice the many ways in which you reveal your heterosexuality/cisgenderism. Imagine how it would feel if you had to keep it hidden.
- Challenge homophobic and transphobic jokes and the use of homophobic and transphobic epithets whenever you hear them; do not wait for LGBTQIA+ individuals to do it.
- Speak out about stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination of any kind.
- Sometimes it is the assumptions as well as anti-gay statements, which need challenging. The assumption that everyone present is heterosexual (Heterosexism) is discounting and hurtful to gays/lesbians/bisexuals. Challenge it.
- Use inclusive, affirming or gender-neutral language when referring to romantic relationships and sexuality. Using terms such as "partner," "companion," "s.o./significant other" or "main squeeze" conveys openness to different kinds of partnerships.
- Get to know someone who is LGBTQIA+. Listen to their feelings and experiences.
- Some heterosexuals believe that gays and lesbians are attracted to everyone of the same gender. Don't make that mistake and assume that if a gay/lesbian/bisexual person of the same gender as you seems friendly or "comes out" to you, they are making a pass.
- When speaking of your heterosexual companion, point out that they are of the other gender, implying that they would not necessarily be. Or, in situations where it is unclear whether you are seeing a man or a woman, leave it that way. Your choice not to exercise your "heterosexual privilege" will convey that the gender of one's partner doesn't matter.
- Realize that the cultural oppression of LGBTQIA+ individuals is perpetuated in social situations where the only hugging and physical affection is between men and women. You can refrain from romantic touching with the other gender and/or be affectionate with persons of the same gender.
- Attend LGBTQIA+ cultural and community events. Read LGBTQIA+ literature, books and articles.
- Wear pro-gay buttons and/or T-shirts, or those with anti-prejudice or pro-diversity themes.
- If people jump to the conclusion that you are gay/lesbian/bisexual because you speak out about gay oppression or are otherwise supportive, are seen hugging a same-gender friend, etc., resist the impulse to point out that you are not gay. Let yourself experience the oppression that gay/lesbian/bisexual people suffer. It will enrich your sensitivity and empathy.
- On National Coming Out Day (October 11), communicate your admiration and support to gay/lesbian/bisexual friends who have taken the risk of disclosing their sexual orientation, and your empathy for those who continue to fear doing so.
Excerpted and adapted in part from writings of Warren J. Blumenfeld, G. Goodman, J. Lashof, E.E. Thorne and Una Fay.
